How Our Relationship Changed When We Had Max
So this is a subject I don't think a lot of people do talk about. Mine and James relationship defiantly changed once we had Max.
James never really wanted to have children or get married when we first started seeing each other,I on the other hand obviously did want both. But we loved each other so the wedding happened and then I became pregnant. James was scared about becoming a dad and one of the reasons he didn't want to be a dad was because he thought he wouldn't be good a it. I found his thought process really difficult to deal with as I knew that he would be a great dad but because hes so stubborn he wouldn't listen me,also he was scared of change, but time would tell when Max came.
For me I wasn't worried about our relationship,I think I went into mum mode when I was pregnant and Max was my priority. Me and James have always had a strong relationship we rarely argue and if we did we got over it straight away or James just says sorry regardless if i'm wrong or right (his mum taught him well).
When Max arrived because of us being in hospital for the first week I felt on edge whenever James came to visit, we were being watched pretty much all day by nurses and there was a lot of pressure on us, well defiantly me, if James whistled,kept his coat on in the room where all the babies were(because you weren't allowed to wear your coat in the room) or spoke loudly I would panic and tell him off,I started calling max 'Poppet' and James had never heard me say that word before so was picky about that, I think all emotions were heightened, I would be snappy to James and he would be snappy back.
When we got home in the beginning we found a good routine and everything was fine. I know James struggled with not being my centre of attention anymore and still struggles with that now. He also had to cook more whilst I was trying to get Max off to sleep.Max was a very grumpy/crying baby and we struggled with that,when you have tried everything to calm him and nothing helps. You end up taking it out on each other.But James did surprise me at how well he took to Max, I had never seen him with a baby before but he was a natural at holding him and calming him down with his singing I loved it.
Another thing that changed was our financial situation as I was on mat leave pay, that's probably been my biggest stress especially now max is having proper food. Making sure he is fed as well as us.Over the last few months i've managed to reduce some of our bills so we have saved some money, But it's so hard to try and budget and still get out the house and do stuff so you don't go crazy.James also works super hard, before max was born he managed to get a promotion and i'm so proud of him for that, that's one of the things I love about him is the amount of effort he puts in to keep me happy and making sure that i'm ok.
My advise would be Team work and communication are key.There were some nights that I would be doing most of the work with max(Max was a difficult baby) and James wouldn't ask if I was OK or if I needed help, because hes had a busy day at work and that's fine but I just wanted to be asked. I also picked at James when I shouldn't of which put pressure on him when all he needed was my support. It's one of the most difficult and amazing things your relationship will go through and you need to enjoy the moments you have because they go so quickly.
Now that Max is older it's a lot less pressure on our relationship, we sort of have it all figured out. We do still have our moments though. But at the end of the day we are happy in love and we have our Max and that's all we need.
Next Blog Post My Anxiety And Emotions After Having Baby❤
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| Me and James 1 month into our relationship |
James never really wanted to have children or get married when we first started seeing each other,I on the other hand obviously did want both. But we loved each other so the wedding happened and then I became pregnant. James was scared about becoming a dad and one of the reasons he didn't want to be a dad was because he thought he wouldn't be good a it. I found his thought process really difficult to deal with as I knew that he would be a great dad but because hes so stubborn he wouldn't listen me,also he was scared of change, but time would tell when Max came.
For me I wasn't worried about our relationship,I think I went into mum mode when I was pregnant and Max was my priority. Me and James have always had a strong relationship we rarely argue and if we did we got over it straight away or James just says sorry regardless if i'm wrong or right (his mum taught him well).
 |
| On our Wedding day |
When Max arrived because of us being in hospital for the first week I felt on edge whenever James came to visit, we were being watched pretty much all day by nurses and there was a lot of pressure on us, well defiantly me, if James whistled,kept his coat on in the room where all the babies were(because you weren't allowed to wear your coat in the room) or spoke loudly I would panic and tell him off,I started calling max 'Poppet' and James had never heard me say that word before so was picky about that, I think all emotions were heightened, I would be snappy to James and he would be snappy back.
When we got home in the beginning we found a good routine and everything was fine. I know James struggled with not being my centre of attention anymore and still struggles with that now. He also had to cook more whilst I was trying to get Max off to sleep.Max was a very grumpy/crying baby and we struggled with that,when you have tried everything to calm him and nothing helps. You end up taking it out on each other.But James did surprise me at how well he took to Max, I had never seen him with a baby before but he was a natural at holding him and calming him down with his singing I loved it.
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| First proper cuddles with Daddy |
Another thing that changed was our financial situation as I was on mat leave pay, that's probably been my biggest stress especially now max is having proper food. Making sure he is fed as well as us.Over the last few months i've managed to reduce some of our bills so we have saved some money, But it's so hard to try and budget and still get out the house and do stuff so you don't go crazy.James also works super hard, before max was born he managed to get a promotion and i'm so proud of him for that, that's one of the things I love about him is the amount of effort he puts in to keep me happy and making sure that i'm ok.
My advise would be Team work and communication are key.There were some nights that I would be doing most of the work with max(Max was a difficult baby) and James wouldn't ask if I was OK or if I needed help, because hes had a busy day at work and that's fine but I just wanted to be asked. I also picked at James when I shouldn't of which put pressure on him when all he needed was my support. It's one of the most difficult and amazing things your relationship will go through and you need to enjoy the moments you have because they go so quickly.
Now that Max is older it's a lot less pressure on our relationship, we sort of have it all figured out. We do still have our moments though. But at the end of the day we are happy in love and we have our Max and that's all we need.
Next Blog Post My Anxiety And Emotions After Having Baby❤
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