My Anxiety And Emotions After Having A Baby
Again make a cuppa and take a seat it's another long one,
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| Mine and Max's first selfie |
When I got home everything was good to begin with. It was when he started to get colic and was really sickie that I really started to feel anxious about going out or if there was something seriously wrong with him. Not knowing what to do with a screaming baby is one of the hardest thing for a mum, in my head I was meant to know what is wrong and what to do to help after all Im his mum. But I didn't, he was fed, winded and changed but that still wasn't enough. I found singing calmed us both especially Sam Smith.Max still loves it to this day.
Loneliness when your mum is going to happen even if your surrounded by people you can still feel lonely. I'm super lucky that I have my mum and sister.Me and my sister were on maternity leave together and we would just hang out all day looking after our babies and watching ITV all day probably the best channel to watch if your having a lazy day at home, you cant beat a bit of tipping point and the chase in the afternoon.If I had a few days where I would be at home with max all day on my own is when I felt it most.I couldn't wait for James to come home just so I could talk to someone.I try to get out the house at least once a day for a walk to clear my head or I would pop to the shops and I would feel a lot better when I got home.
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| Beach walk |
Going out on your own with a baby can be daunting, I started off with a short walk and then build it up from there. When Max started being super sick I would have to arrange going out around his feeds so the chances of him being sick were lowered. I had to always bring about 4 changes of clothes for max just in case he was sick everywhere. I don't drive so catching the train was going to be a big hurdle for me getting on and off scared the life out of me. So me and James practised a few times, I even turned down a conductor offering to help me get off because I wanted to do it my self. It's only recently that I have gone into town on my own and I felt confident enough to do it. But it felt so good afterwards.
Smells and sounds,the smell of my deodorant that I used in the hospital, max's shampoo and my dry shampoo still makes me anxious today, they just bring all those feelings back, isn't it funny how smells can do that.I was round my friends house the other day and one of her little boys toys made the same noise that my alarm made when I was in hospital my heart instantly jumped and was beating so fast.
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| When you try and get ready but your baby wont let you |
mum groups scared the life out me,I thought they would be clicky and the way that max was I just thought I would be stared at the whole time. My friend invited me to go to one called amazing babies. It was great, so me and my sister would go often. The one thing that I would find is that not one would talk to me because I was there with my sister. I tried to make the effort on a number of occasions but got nothing back. That really put me off going.I decided that I would go to the last group before the summer holidays anyway and I would do it on my own. That morning was a nightmare everything that could go wrong DID! and I could of quite happily said "oh i'm not going to bother with group today", but I pushed my self and I did it. Max started a screaming competition with another baby and bashed his head on the floor which made a big red mark on his head and a loud noise.So you know he didn't really draw any attention to us much NOT!! he had the whole room laughing. But he loves it especially the singing at the end.I think pushing your self out of your comfort zone is a great thing to do. What was the worst thing that was going to happen, no one was going to talk me, but would max still have fun and would it be good for him yes and that's all that mattered to me.
Tiredness, like I have said in my other blog you have never felt real tiredness until you have had a baby its like nothing you have felt before and this can play with your emotions.So get as much rest as possible.
Body Changes,I've always been super skinny but not a healthy skinny, so I welcomed the weight gain from being pregnant the one thing thing I didn't realise was that none of my clothes would fit me.I basically live in leggings and baggy t shirts, to accommodate my kangaroo like pouch of a tummy and that can put you down, some days I love my tummy as it gave me max some days I don't, I find my self holding and rubbing like I still have a baby in there bit embarrassing. I just get fed up of wearing the same thing everyday and it does make you feel like poop sometimes. I get properly dressed some days do my make up and feel better again, James always says where are you going and i'm not actually going anywhere.
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| Spending time outside in the garden |
My Top Tips for an anxious mum:
- Music/singing calms you and the baby down.
- Go out for a walk get some fresh air.
- Talk about how you feel to someone.
- Writing things down if you don't have anyone to talk to or don't want to talk to anyone, jotting it down can help release tensions and emotions
- Time away from your Phone.
- Try something new with your baby. Blowing Bubbles,spinach paint,cornflour and water and swimming.
- Train hack, Get on forward Get off Backwards.
- Reading books with your baby.
- Colouring, you can get adult colouring books a great way to relax when baby is down for a nap.
- You time spending time on your self. Sometimes you loose your self when you have baby. So pampering your self can help.
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| One of our walks Next Blog Post Being A Birthing Partner Written By My Mum❤ |
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