Will I Ever Get My Dream Job??

So i'm going to start from the beginning. I have always wanted to be a mum, being the oldest of four I have or I would like to think that I have always had maternal instincts, from trying to help my mum with my baby brother and sister who may I add are twins and to top it off they go and have another one 2 years later my littlest sister so you can imagine how busy our two bed flat was with all 6 of us, My mum always said that I helped but i'm pretty sure that I probably made it harder for her. Then on to wanting to play 'mummy and daddy' I remember having a doll that I called George and using my mums V shaped pillow to lay him down having learnt that from watching my mum with my brother and sisters.

Then on to school 'sex ed'they teach you all about the birds and bees and puberty. From these sessions I got the impression that pretty much every time you had sex you would get pregnant and I thought this for a long time.oh how I was wrong.

I remember at work on one of my reviews my manager asking what I wanted in life or a career and I couldn't answer. After a few days of thinking I went back to her and I said I have the best career for me and I said I wanted to be a mum.

Now into adult life 2016 I was planning a wedding,working and feeling very stressed.In April Me and James decided that I should come of the pill. After a friend had told me about the 'Ovia app' and that actually there is only one day in the month that your body releases the egg and you have a five day window to get pregnant I was a little shocked at how difficult it could be to get pregnant.After being on the pill for almost 10 years I wanted to take a few months for my body to get back into it's natural cycle and then we would start trying. 

The 'Ovia app' brilliant but very addictive. So after the few months were up we started trying for a baby. I followed the app religiously every little pain or feeling I had I thought oooohhh this could be it implantation bleed or pain nope just AF ( AF being Aunt flow code for time of the month on all the fertility apps)showing up again and again and again, or I would be a week late then the day that I thought I would do a test I would come on. It was heart breaking.

Everyone else. After a few months of trying I decided to stop using the app and just relax a bit more. I found my self becoming obsessed and it wasn't healthy. I also decided that I would come off Facebook as I felt that everyone around me was falling pregnant but me.Now me and James were trying for almost a year before I became pregnant and I know that isn't a very long time compared to some people so I got a little snippet into how those people were and are feeling when they get that disappointment each month. 

By this time the wedding stress was over but looking back now I was quite under weight and very stressed at work. I was eating all the green leafs I could taking folic acid every day.But it was no good it wasn't happening.Only James knew that I had a plan and vision in my head that on Christmas day 2016 I would announce to my whole family that I was pregnant. Well Christmas came and went with no baby. After a while I think I let slip to my mum that we were trying and nothing was happening after that I cant remember how many times my mum had to watch me cry. It was awful. It effected James seeing me so down and upset as well as he has always said to me that he lives to make me happy and he felt that the one thing I had ever wanted he couldn't give to me BUT.........

1 year on from trying on the 27th of April at 7.20 in the morning I took a test. Something just felt different. By this point I had done so many tests that I had given up on telling James whenever I was going to a do test because every negative test was getting him down as well. But this one was positive, I ran into the bedroom and told James he was in total shock. 

It had happened, I had got the job the best job in the world,I was going to be a Mummy.

                NEXT BLOG POST ALL ABOUT PREGNANCY ❤